Hello, blog!
It's been a while since I've written anything, and I suppose that it's because I haven't had much to say. But that isn't really true. I haven't had much to say to the world. Nothing that would interest you or that I really want you to know...
But did you really want to know any of it? Did you want to know how I felt about Bingley? Of course not! Those were things I should have said to him directly. Did you want to know what I thought of myself, of where I live, of my friends, of my ambitions? Really, no one wants to know but those who want to my secrets, and the only ones that want to know that are those who know me personally.
So why write it in a blog? A blog is made for the benefit for others. I can talk to my friends. I can vent in my diary. I once fancied that my words and experiences would help others deal with their problems but that is doubtful, at best. How can me telling you, reader, about how much of a failure I am benefit you? It can't, because I doubt anyone who doesn't know me personally would make it through the first sentence without being confused.
But, few readers that I have, you must be wondering why I am putting in the time and effort to write these absolutely counter-productive words (assuming that what I've said is true). I write them so that you can be informed that, from now on, I shall have a productive blog! A meaningful one. Mayhap dedicated to meaningful things.
For these are the things that are meaningful to me and that I wish to tell you about: books, writing, art, music, fantasy, science fiction, tea, bakeries, the world. I am a unique sort of person, aren't I (and that was irony)? What books? What writing? Well, certainly, you'll find out! You'll read pretty things, I hope, and that shall inform you of my magnificent tastes!
And to those who read this seeking something more intriguing, more personal, I will leave you with the smallest tidbits:
1) Look here no longer for my private journal. Talk to me, text me, email me. Inquire as to my status more personally. I can no longer sabotage myself with words that are meant to be heard, not read.
2) My thoughts right now do yearn to be written. I want to shout to Lizzy and others that read this that I am really lonely. Lonely in conventional ways, for I've never had a boyfriend and I can't find anyone that I would want to be with right now. I feel as though I am small and insignificant and can't ever hope to find my light. For who can see me but myself? Who would think I am special, or pretty, or nice if I am not fully revealed to them? I am lonely in many ways. I feel, now, the loneliness of humans, that think evil of each other, that love people on TV sets more than their friends, that cannot convey their emotions unless it is on paper or by keyboard... It has become difficult for me to bear the evil of the human world, and I truly wish to see it with innocent eyes again. I watch Disney movies that are so clouded in how they represent this world and long for them to be reality. Why is this world so cruel and ugly? It took me a long time to accept that there would be no invitation to Hogwarts, that there would be no magical wardrobe to take me to Narnia, that no amount of made-up witchcraft would take me to Tortall, or Middle Earth, or to Rapunzel's tower. All that work is being undone in an effort to preserve someone who loves to write. That longing for the world of fantasy made me so eager to write and made the words that I scratched on to paper seem tangible and bright. With age, my yearning for a hidden world has faded, and so has the sweetness of my writing. A balance must be found.
Readers, I hope that the results of my efforts to find that world of brightness and beauty can be observed through this blog. I hope that you can drink up my words and see into Fantasia, where all is good and sweet. I can give you that, at least, but never again will I give you the real world in all it's human, teenage, angsty ugliness that I am sure is how I have shown it to you. Surely, you do not come here looking for a girl complaining of real and messy romance but for a painting of a romance that makes the world look more beautiful and that can guide you in your own pursuit of romance. I seek to make the world beautiful again in your eyes. Read and drink and piss gold all over the dirty streets. Not literally.
Cheers. Welcome, new year of beauty. 2012
It's been a while since I've written anything, and I suppose that it's because I haven't had much to say. But that isn't really true. I haven't had much to say to the world. Nothing that would interest you or that I really want you to know...
But did you really want to know any of it? Did you want to know how I felt about Bingley? Of course not! Those were things I should have said to him directly. Did you want to know what I thought of myself, of where I live, of my friends, of my ambitions? Really, no one wants to know but those who want to my secrets, and the only ones that want to know that are those who know me personally.
So why write it in a blog? A blog is made for the benefit for others. I can talk to my friends. I can vent in my diary. I once fancied that my words and experiences would help others deal with their problems but that is doubtful, at best. How can me telling you, reader, about how much of a failure I am benefit you? It can't, because I doubt anyone who doesn't know me personally would make it through the first sentence without being confused.
But, few readers that I have, you must be wondering why I am putting in the time and effort to write these absolutely counter-productive words (assuming that what I've said is true). I write them so that you can be informed that, from now on, I shall have a productive blog! A meaningful one. Mayhap dedicated to meaningful things.
For these are the things that are meaningful to me and that I wish to tell you about: books, writing, art, music, fantasy, science fiction, tea, bakeries, the world. I am a unique sort of person, aren't I (and that was irony)? What books? What writing? Well, certainly, you'll find out! You'll read pretty things, I hope, and that shall inform you of my magnificent tastes!
And to those who read this seeking something more intriguing, more personal, I will leave you with the smallest tidbits:
1) Look here no longer for my private journal. Talk to me, text me, email me. Inquire as to my status more personally. I can no longer sabotage myself with words that are meant to be heard, not read.
2) My thoughts right now do yearn to be written. I want to shout to Lizzy and others that read this that I am really lonely. Lonely in conventional ways, for I've never had a boyfriend and I can't find anyone that I would want to be with right now. I feel as though I am small and insignificant and can't ever hope to find my light. For who can see me but myself? Who would think I am special, or pretty, or nice if I am not fully revealed to them? I am lonely in many ways. I feel, now, the loneliness of humans, that think evil of each other, that love people on TV sets more than their friends, that cannot convey their emotions unless it is on paper or by keyboard... It has become difficult for me to bear the evil of the human world, and I truly wish to see it with innocent eyes again. I watch Disney movies that are so clouded in how they represent this world and long for them to be reality. Why is this world so cruel and ugly? It took me a long time to accept that there would be no invitation to Hogwarts, that there would be no magical wardrobe to take me to Narnia, that no amount of made-up witchcraft would take me to Tortall, or Middle Earth, or to Rapunzel's tower. All that work is being undone in an effort to preserve someone who loves to write. That longing for the world of fantasy made me so eager to write and made the words that I scratched on to paper seem tangible and bright. With age, my yearning for a hidden world has faded, and so has the sweetness of my writing. A balance must be found.
Readers, I hope that the results of my efforts to find that world of brightness and beauty can be observed through this blog. I hope that you can drink up my words and see into Fantasia, where all is good and sweet. I can give you that, at least, but never again will I give you the real world in all it's human, teenage, angsty ugliness that I am sure is how I have shown it to you. Surely, you do not come here looking for a girl complaining of real and messy romance but for a painting of a romance that makes the world look more beautiful and that can guide you in your own pursuit of romance. I seek to make the world beautiful again in your eyes. Read and drink and piss gold all over the dirty streets. Not literally.
Cheers. Welcome, new year of beauty. 2012